Working from home is truly a joy, however there are a few disadvantages. I've come up with my Top 10 below. Oh none of these would ever outweigh the advantages - but in this world nothing is ever perfect.
Drum roll (if you're into that sort of thing):
1) Getting coffee doesn't actually get you the 10 minutes of "I need to step away from this problem, clear my head and return to it with a fresh idea". At least not in my small condo it doesn't. The short trek from my desk or favorite chair to the coffee pot is nothing more than crossing a room.
2) You will never look your best when the doorbell rings. Our UPS man has become accustomed to my crazy pajama/lounge wear/workout wear clothing choices, bad breath, glasses and tangled claw clip hairdos. Not to mention my lack of bra before 5 PM (unless I'm running errands!) Although he's used to it, I never fail to see his disappointment when I come traipsing to the door for work or early Christmas packages. It's like he thinks I'm going to get all gussied up just for him. He's semi-cute but has horrible road rage and I've reported him more than once for very bad driving. He threw a Gatorade bottle at our car once, denting the front hood. Oddly, he's very nice to dogs and children, basically everyone, unless he's behind the wheel of his truck.
3) The world goes on outside - and you're unaware. I typically leave the house everyday by around 5:30 for a rehearsal or show - or errands - but there is the occasional day when I have all my errands done and no rehearsal or show to get to and never (actually never) go outside. These are sad days, but what am I an old person - going out for a "walk"? I work out in our bedroom when my husband wakes up (so I'm not lazy - if that's what you were thinking!), I have every technical device invented to keep me in touch with work, friends, family. My mailbox is inside. My dog gets walked by my husband or neighbors. Occasionally it just doesn't happen. I know I'd miss going outside terribly if something happened and I couldn't anymore (global Armageddon, imprisonment), but aside from some guilt and a mild case of regret, I don't fret about this too much.
4) You get very sick of your furniture/decor/paint color/etc. Spending so much time at home makes home a very boring place to be. No longer your haven away from the office, home becomes boring resembling a familiar but worn out old shoe...suddenly you notice all of the things you don't like about your space. Lack of natural light, no elevator, no plant watering crew.
5) You can no longer escape messes at home at the office, or office messes at home. They are both there for you.
6) Thin walls/ceilings will challenge your affection for your neighbors and provide you with far too much information about their home life. Not to mention how much they can challenge your ability to concentrate. I am, however rather lucky in this department, since I really love my neighbors...just wish some of them were ready to go to school during the day. No matter how cute, loud is loud. (Especially if you're working on a rather detailed coding issue.) But, for the most part, this is not really a huge problem.
7) You get your social interaction virtually. This is both good and bad. No more sitting through boring meetings with people you'd rather not share air with, but also, no more fun meetings with funny and attractive co-workers either.
8) No more camaraderie that is found on crowded train cars when someone farts. (Upshot is obviously no farts...at least not of the stranger variety.)
9) Time moves faster...from home. Feels great to be done with your work day faster...but also feels like another day flew by and that life is slipping away.
10) No free lunches, birthday cake, office supplies, ergonomic desk chairs, downtown views, official-looking badges, fancy desk phones, endless paper, copier ink replacements, happy hour invites or gossip.
Well, that's all for today. I'm going to go get a shower and wait for the UPS man.
Michelle
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Fashion Flashbacks - Welcome or Worse for the Wear?
I love the fall! Cooler temps mean I can return to the warm, safe cocoon of layers and coverage. Then I see any one of the what seem to be thousands of adorable 18 year old Loyola kids in my neighborhood skip past me on the sidewalk, cigarette in hand, ironic fedora on head, gigantic luggage sized purse on a frighteningly stick like arm and the teeny-tiniest skinny jeans tucked into the most fabulous boots.
I hate it, but it's just the strange cycle of fashion. The last time skinny jeans, leggings, jeggings (the combination of these two horrifically judgemental fashions), stirrups and off-the shoulder sweater tunics was "in", I weighed about 98 pounds, and had that same outfit in practically every color of the rainbow, plus in black with rhinestones on the huge fold-over shawl collar. HOT.
Comfortable? Yes. But this outfit makes everyone look like the weird Saturday morning guy that told us to eat apples and cheese. Oddly lumpy top supported by toothpicks on the bottom.
After thinking leggings would be the absolute worst thing to make a comeback, I hesitate, as I should, since I happen to be wearing a pair right now. Although I've paired mine with a more fitted tunic. Now I think the worst fashion flashback would be parachute pants. All that frickin' swishing. And the static electricity. And all those dumb pockets. Plus, they're freezing.
What I'd like to see comeback? Those adorable turtlenecks with little things on them that match sweaters?
I paired this with a pair of boys (they were cheaper than the "girl" pair at JC Penny's) parachute pants. I liked to mix genres at this age. My shoes were white snakeskin pumps, that I wore everywhere. Including riding my bike.
I hate it, but it's just the strange cycle of fashion. The last time skinny jeans, leggings, jeggings (the combination of these two horrifically judgemental fashions), stirrups and off-the shoulder sweater tunics was "in", I weighed about 98 pounds, and had that same outfit in practically every color of the rainbow, plus in black with rhinestones on the huge fold-over shawl collar. HOT.
Comfortable? Yes. But this outfit makes everyone look like the weird Saturday morning guy that told us to eat apples and cheese. Oddly lumpy top supported by toothpicks on the bottom.
After thinking leggings would be the absolute worst thing to make a comeback, I hesitate, as I should, since I happen to be wearing a pair right now. Although I've paired mine with a more fitted tunic. Now I think the worst fashion flashback would be parachute pants. All that frickin' swishing. And the static electricity. And all those dumb pockets. Plus, they're freezing.
What I'd like to see comeback? Those adorable turtlenecks with little things on them that match sweaters?
I paired this with a pair of boys (they were cheaper than the "girl" pair at JC Penny's) parachute pants. I liked to mix genres at this age. My shoes were white snakeskin pumps, that I wore everywhere. Including riding my bike.
Monday, October 19, 2009
The Audacity of Nope
So the new show that I'm in called The Audacity of Nope has certainly received some interesting press. Chris Jones of the Trib announced our title a couple of weeks ago on the front page of the Live! (Question - is this Live like - "Live" every day as if it were your last or Live - like Saturday Night "Live"?) section as some sort of reaction to Chicago's failed bid for the Olympics. Nevermind that we came up with it back in June, and that there was a lot more animosity toward the president at that time for not following through on some important issues and for being as he always has been, non-committal on supporting gay marriage. But, we were thrilled that this news did play into our overall theme of "NOPE". But we're also getting a thumbs up from more conservative blogs because of our title...too soon? Such fun that our title is stirring up so many assumptions! Want to see for yourself? Get some tickets!
Personally, I'm in a tricky place because as a straight person, I do not think it's my place to be the voice of gays or anyone besides myself for that matter. I'm no Oprah. But, in terms of the President and most politics, I do have opinions. This revue has been named in such a way that expectations of the content and themes are being assumed. It's extremely exciting to be a part of such a fragile thing as an "irreverant revue" whether given that description under the guise of a title, or past productions and reputation.
I'm really digging the mild controversy and real interest in our show. We've got some stuf up our sleeves...like all art, comedy doesn't hold anything sacred - with the exception of the quality of the joke itself. The key is timing.
The thing people don't understand about comedy writers and comics in general is that we shift gears very quickly turning tragedy into comedy much faster than normal people. It's something we HAVE to do to entertain people in a timely fashion. It also can silence rooms of "civilians" and end dinner parties early (why we like to socialize with each other).
It's also a survival mechanism. We have to "get there" faster so that the comedy is already bakd when the public decides they can finally exhale. Take 911 for example. I was in a comedy writing program during this time - in the second level of a five-level course - so still pretty early in the process. My class was on Wednesday nights. To my surprise our class was not cancelled, further our instructor asked us to put aside our sadness and stress and try to "find the funny". Most of us, myself included, freaked out, and started to leave when he asked us to sit and explained that this is also a way to cope. There is humor in every tragedy, you have to know where to find it. For starters, it's never the victims. Go after the criminals, the talking heads reporting on it, nature's reaction. Slowly, but surely, our pens started moving. I thought very hard and then remembered, at some point during the day of coverage it occurred to me that Katie Couric was dressed a little slutty that day. (Who wears one barrette?) Then other people's observations started to come out too. The luggage of two of the terrorists didn't make their flight. Pretty much everything Ashleigh Banfield said.
Later, when our show was produced, people were ready, and we had volumes of sketches to work with - there was no delay of "okay, now let's sit down and write about this". That would have been too late.
There is always constant pressure on comics to produce timely, truthful and thoughtful material - before everyone else thinks of the same jokes - and we're kidding ourselves if we think that people aren't also thinking the things we say before they do - duh, it's why they laugh!
Comedy is a game of being 10 steps ahead and keeping an open mind about everything you do. I wrote a song called Shame - which is no longer relevant because Obama revealed his intention to repeal Don't Ask Don't Tell and a tentative oppostion to DOMA recently. I worked for hours on the song, then just scrapped it. You have to be very happy to throw ideas away, no matter how wonderful. The beauty is the mind is an incredible thing, and so is life. There is always something funny going on and new ideas to discover.
Until next time, it's back to the drawing board for me...and here's a video for you!
Michelle
Friday, October 2, 2009
No Olympics. Good. No constant reminder that in 7 years I will be old as hell.
Okay, so I was sporting my Chicago 2016 orange tee shirt provided to me by, well probably me (tax dollars HARD at work), thinking I would be wearing it until at least 11:30 or so, but no such luck.
Chicago didn't make it past the first round. Down to Madrid and Rio (which I really hope it goes to Rio now...since it's never been there before). The excitement prematurely snuffed out and a depressed weekend ahead for many. (Glad I'll be out of town, actually.)
Wondering what this is saying to the rest of the world about our town. Also wondering, how much money did we lose trying to get this?
I mean they really spared no expense. Even this free t-shirt is long-sleeved, and a good brand.
I was on the fence about it...mostly because hopefully by 2016 we'll be long gone, having settled nicely into our Manhattan digs with Chicago events and worries only of moderate interest to us. But who knows? Perhaps we would have still been here - it would have been intesting for both Rob (a news producer) and me (a performer) to be able to work with all of that material.
Perhaps this just lit a torch under both of us to high-tail it out of here.
Have a great weekend!
Chicago didn't make it past the first round. Down to Madrid and Rio (which I really hope it goes to Rio now...since it's never been there before). The excitement prematurely snuffed out and a depressed weekend ahead for many. (Glad I'll be out of town, actually.)
Wondering what this is saying to the rest of the world about our town. Also wondering, how much money did we lose trying to get this?
I mean they really spared no expense. Even this free t-shirt is long-sleeved, and a good brand.
I was on the fence about it...mostly because hopefully by 2016 we'll be long gone, having settled nicely into our Manhattan digs with Chicago events and worries only of moderate interest to us. But who knows? Perhaps we would have still been here - it would have been intesting for both Rob (a news producer) and me (a performer) to be able to work with all of that material.
Perhaps this just lit a torch under both of us to high-tail it out of here.
Have a great weekend!
Monday, September 28, 2009
Crank Out the Funny or...You're Fired!
So who else caught the season premiere of SNL this weekend? UGH. So disappointing.
It's still the "BE ALL, END ALL" dream job, however it's irritating to watch again this season.
The sketches that drag on for days. The hosts that bring nothing to the table. The boring musical breaks. Pretty much anything Kenan Thompson does (are there honestly NO OTHER funny black guys to replace him???? Come on! And while we're at it, Lorne Michaels, please meet Amber Ruffin, Dionna Griffin, Claudia Wallace all extremely talented black women).
The current pace of the show is exhausting. The scenes go on so long - why isn't head writer Seth Meyers editing anything? If the writers and cast could learn to edit themselves quicker, we'd always be wishing for more...instead of wishing for the end.
I know they have some new blood in there (specifically some intense writing talent via Second City), but unfortunately, the premiere didn't offer anything fresh, except for a couple of new faces that only stood to embarrass the cast and show.
And here's a question, WHY the new faces? Why did Casey Wilson and Michaela Watkins get fired? I liked Casey Wilson, I just think she needed to invent more opportunity for herself to be seen and she'd still be around. (Not sure if the rumours about her having to lose weight to stay on are true or not - and this should NOT be an issue anyway...it's SNL not Melrose Place!) Michaela had some great characters...not sure at all why she was booted. Age?
Here's the thing about comedy. Age = Life Experience. Life Experience = Funny. And is replacing curvy or older women with fresh-faced idiots that cause FCC problems, simply an effort to get a younger demographic? And is aiming for a younger demographic really going to help SNL? Don't young people prefer to make and watch their own videos as opposed to some old tired sketch show? Really, who is at home on Saturday night watching anything on network television? Probably an older demographic that would appreciate a cast that looks more like them.
As a person involved in the comedy scene - I wonder...is it not enough to just be funny? I am just about exactly the same size as Casey Wilson, and only a little younger than Kristin Wiig. However, as long as I can keep creating new characters, writing things that make my fellow castmates and I laugh, and keep getting cast, I'll never stop! And I hope Casey and Michaela keep going too.
But the thing that remains true whether you are on SNL, an improv troupe, a traveling company or just trying to be seen, if you're not regularly bringing the funny, you're not a factor, and likely fired. It's a high pressure, high stakes life. Every opportunity you have in front of an audience is an opportunity to strike gold...or to fall flat on your face. The key is to keep inventing. To stand out at places like SNL, Second City, Upright Citizens Brigade you have to bring the funny. And I mean, really funny, not just slightly amusing. And you have to be a machine. The funny needs to be cranked out by the yard and on a regular schedule. Some people only have a handful of funny ideas in their entire life...the people that succeed in the SNL pressure cooker have endless ideas. And these are ideas that work. Perhaps Casey and Michaela had a shortage of ideas. Or maybe it was something more arbitrary like demographics and appearance. In any case, you can bet your chances of survival are much higher if you can be counted on to bring unique, interesting, and memorable characters and scenes to life. And all the better if they only last three minutes or less.
It's still the "BE ALL, END ALL" dream job, however it's irritating to watch again this season.
The sketches that drag on for days. The hosts that bring nothing to the table. The boring musical breaks. Pretty much anything Kenan Thompson does (are there honestly NO OTHER funny black guys to replace him???? Come on! And while we're at it, Lorne Michaels, please meet Amber Ruffin, Dionna Griffin, Claudia Wallace all extremely talented black women).
The current pace of the show is exhausting. The scenes go on so long - why isn't head writer Seth Meyers editing anything? If the writers and cast could learn to edit themselves quicker, we'd always be wishing for more...instead of wishing for the end.
I know they have some new blood in there (specifically some intense writing talent via Second City), but unfortunately, the premiere didn't offer anything fresh, except for a couple of new faces that only stood to embarrass the cast and show.
And here's a question, WHY the new faces? Why did Casey Wilson and Michaela Watkins get fired? I liked Casey Wilson, I just think she needed to invent more opportunity for herself to be seen and she'd still be around. (Not sure if the rumours about her having to lose weight to stay on are true or not - and this should NOT be an issue anyway...it's SNL not Melrose Place!) Michaela had some great characters...not sure at all why she was booted. Age?
Here's the thing about comedy. Age = Life Experience. Life Experience = Funny. And is replacing curvy or older women with fresh-faced idiots that cause FCC problems, simply an effort to get a younger demographic? And is aiming for a younger demographic really going to help SNL? Don't young people prefer to make and watch their own videos as opposed to some old tired sketch show? Really, who is at home on Saturday night watching anything on network television? Probably an older demographic that would appreciate a cast that looks more like them.
As a person involved in the comedy scene - I wonder...is it not enough to just be funny? I am just about exactly the same size as Casey Wilson, and only a little younger than Kristin Wiig. However, as long as I can keep creating new characters, writing things that make my fellow castmates and I laugh, and keep getting cast, I'll never stop! And I hope Casey and Michaela keep going too.
But the thing that remains true whether you are on SNL, an improv troupe, a traveling company or just trying to be seen, if you're not regularly bringing the funny, you're not a factor, and likely fired. It's a high pressure, high stakes life. Every opportunity you have in front of an audience is an opportunity to strike gold...or to fall flat on your face. The key is to keep inventing. To stand out at places like SNL, Second City, Upright Citizens Brigade you have to bring the funny. And I mean, really funny, not just slightly amusing. And you have to be a machine. The funny needs to be cranked out by the yard and on a regular schedule. Some people only have a handful of funny ideas in their entire life...the people that succeed in the SNL pressure cooker have endless ideas. And these are ideas that work. Perhaps Casey and Michaela had a shortage of ideas. Or maybe it was something more arbitrary like demographics and appearance. In any case, you can bet your chances of survival are much higher if you can be counted on to bring unique, interesting, and memorable characters and scenes to life. And all the better if they only last three minutes or less.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
This Year's Emmys - Still nothing interesting comes to mind.
So it's been a few days since the Emmy's aired and to be honest I have been brainstorming as many ideas as possible to give some sort of opinion on the whole thing and all I can come up with is that I have none.
Sure, NPH was good, but didn't meet my high expectations. Kristin Chenowith was incredibly annoying regardless of the sincerity of her excitement. Tina Fey looked beautiful in black. Again (yawn). Jessica Lange should lay off the Botox. And the Moet. Seth McFarlane's date looked like a runner up in the Miss Hawaiian Tropic contest (Myrtle Beach). A telling choice that shows it's not just his humor (which I love!) perpetually stuck in seventh grade. The whole night was so boring that in fact the most shocking moment to me, was laughing at Jimmy Fallon. That short sketch was funny - and I don't always enjoy him.
The whole thing felt a bit like watching junior varsity football. Which is always what television is to the movies. During the reign of the Sopranos, television nearly surpassed movies in coolness (nearly). HBO and other cable networks were pushing some seriously edgy material and the public ate it up like hotcakes. Now, the edgy thing is overdone, and the shock value has faded. This year's Emmys reflected that dullness. Not to mention that Leno taking on the 5 night a week spot historically dedicated to "appointment television" drama series, the NBC has all but flown the white flag.
Hulu, YouTube, TiVo, OnDemand - they're all taking share away from the traditional networks. And the big advertisers did not get the memo 5 years ago to go out and hire a bunch of social media marketers to get in the game early and are now scrambling to make their case online, while still sinking megabucks into tv ads that aren't being seen.
But the biggest reason the networks are in trouble is that they're putting out crap - and with other choices people aren't forced to watch. Lots of people are creating their own entertainment and spending their free time marketing themselves...not watching whatever is put in front of them. The successful shows found that by being niche, they can pull socially savvy audiences. The stuff I like, Lost, Mad Men, 30 Rock, The Office, pull so-so ratings but have very vocal fan bases. I've never seen one episode of Two and Half Men. Apparently that pulls unbelievable numbers, but I've never seen anyone put anything on their Facebook page about it.
Today's consumer is very self-reliant. We are very "i" focused. We can customize everything we use in our daily life to compliment whatever personal interests we have. There are very few things we are stuck with listening to or watching. We have Sirius radio in the car so we can listen to all 80's Alternative all the time and never know what new music we're suppose to be downloading. We never set foot in a bookstore anymore because we can buy new books for $9.99 and read them on our Kindles. We can block spam, banner ads and popups, and if we don't, they're so cleverly selected for us based on the other stuff we have online that they actually present the one and only item we would ever need or want to buy.
Your new spokesmen?
I can think of only two places left in the world where media decisions are limited and that is in doctor's offices and hospitals where you cannot use your iPhone to watch whatever you like because "cell phone use is prohibited". So best of luck to the advertisers in Good Housekeeping, Better Homes and Gardens and Highlights for Children magazines. You have the burden of carrying the entire weight of the survival of traditional media on your shoulders. Here's a couple of tips for you. The pull out postcards still don't work and free perfume and makeup samples do!
Your product here???
Sure, NPH was good, but didn't meet my high expectations. Kristin Chenowith was incredibly annoying regardless of the sincerity of her excitement. Tina Fey looked beautiful in black. Again (yawn). Jessica Lange should lay off the Botox. And the Moet. Seth McFarlane's date looked like a runner up in the Miss Hawaiian Tropic contest (Myrtle Beach). A telling choice that shows it's not just his humor (which I love!) perpetually stuck in seventh grade. The whole night was so boring that in fact the most shocking moment to me, was laughing at Jimmy Fallon. That short sketch was funny - and I don't always enjoy him.
The whole thing felt a bit like watching junior varsity football. Which is always what television is to the movies. During the reign of the Sopranos, television nearly surpassed movies in coolness (nearly). HBO and other cable networks were pushing some seriously edgy material and the public ate it up like hotcakes. Now, the edgy thing is overdone, and the shock value has faded. This year's Emmys reflected that dullness. Not to mention that Leno taking on the 5 night a week spot historically dedicated to "appointment television" drama series, the NBC has all but flown the white flag.
Hulu, YouTube, TiVo, OnDemand - they're all taking share away from the traditional networks. And the big advertisers did not get the memo 5 years ago to go out and hire a bunch of social media marketers to get in the game early and are now scrambling to make their case online, while still sinking megabucks into tv ads that aren't being seen.
But the biggest reason the networks are in trouble is that they're putting out crap - and with other choices people aren't forced to watch. Lots of people are creating their own entertainment and spending their free time marketing themselves...not watching whatever is put in front of them. The successful shows found that by being niche, they can pull socially savvy audiences. The stuff I like, Lost, Mad Men, 30 Rock, The Office, pull so-so ratings but have very vocal fan bases. I've never seen one episode of Two and Half Men. Apparently that pulls unbelievable numbers, but I've never seen anyone put anything on their Facebook page about it.
Today's consumer is very self-reliant. We are very "i" focused. We can customize everything we use in our daily life to compliment whatever personal interests we have. There are very few things we are stuck with listening to or watching. We have Sirius radio in the car so we can listen to all 80's Alternative all the time and never know what new music we're suppose to be downloading. We never set foot in a bookstore anymore because we can buy new books for $9.99 and read them on our Kindles. We can block spam, banner ads and popups, and if we don't, they're so cleverly selected for us based on the other stuff we have online that they actually present the one and only item we would ever need or want to buy.
Your new spokesmen?
I can think of only two places left in the world where media decisions are limited and that is in doctor's offices and hospitals where you cannot use your iPhone to watch whatever you like because "cell phone use is prohibited". So best of luck to the advertisers in Good Housekeeping, Better Homes and Gardens and Highlights for Children magazines. You have the burden of carrying the entire weight of the survival of traditional media on your shoulders. Here's a couple of tips for you. The pull out postcards still don't work and free perfume and makeup samples do!
Your product here???
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
When the Going Gets Floating...
So I'm seriously well into my "sabbatical" and have remained busy doing all of the things I promised I would. But, it's an odd feeling - floating between the projects of my choice. Of course I do not miss going to a job everyday and having to postpone my own personal projects, but I have not felt very grounded. Still, the experience has been incredibly life altering, even if I haven't outwardly changed that much. I still set daily and weekly goals for myself. I still keep a detailed status report on all my projects (old habits die hard). I'm still really busy.
At the same time, I feel comfortable and happy in this ongoing purgatory of uncertainty, opportunity, and "TBD" status. It feels like something really amazing is just around the corner. I just have to be on the look out for it and ready to pounce. It's like being next - which is really better than it being your turn. Anticipation is one of life's most enjoyable creations. I currently am Mayor of Anticipation Station.
There have been lots and lots of job postings in my "day job" field, and I have been compelled to throw my hat into the ring for some of the more appealing and fruitful opportunities. However, I think there must be something in the universe that is deciding a few things for me...and so up to now, the old life has not moved back in.
This whole experience has actually changed a lot of things about me. I am a better person in some ways. I'm definitely a much better wife. I'm able to do things for him that I never did before. And I'm also able to support him in a new way, that I hope makes him feel important and valued. Weirdly, I don't know if I'm as good of a friend anymore. I just feel really focused on my own projects right now. I see my old life as not just being a slave to the job, but also to all of the social commitments I ended up getting myself into and then resented later. I'm learning to say no more often, and letting go of some of that guilt.
I'm also a completely different consumer. I was an avid shopper to say the least, and the fall has always been my absolute favorite clothes season, ever since my mom took me to Belks for new penny loafers. Although I still look through some of the catalogs I get, I don't feel as compelled to buy the latest trends. Plus, I spend most of my time at home writing, or at rehearsals, neither of which require anything more than jeans and a shirt. I also am getting comfortable with not being as generous as I have been in the past. I would spend thousands and thousands of dollars on lavish gifts for my family and friends every year, and I'm not really sure why. I fear it's that I felt I needed to do this to retain their love or friendship. Now that this type of giving is no longer possible, I feel liberated. Now I don't have to try to one up myself. I'm especially looking forward to the holidays and reverting back to a more "normal" level of generosity. It will be rewarding to make or buy items that I can put more thought into, instead of just paying more. I also wonder if people thought I was a little too generous, like maybe I made them feel uncomfortable, and maybe they thought I was a little pathetic. I always felt like, if you have it, spend it, I'll make more - and you could get hit by a truck. Now that I have very little and live on a very, very tight budget (about $20 a week for "spending money"), I have found that I'm actually happier. I feel smarter. I feel healthier. And I resent my debt so much more. If I didn't have that - I would really never be worried! I have nothing to show for those three payments I have to make every month. I didn't use them to pay my college tuition or to pay for life-saving surgery. I didn't use them to fund a film or a play. I just bought crap. Crap that is currently sitting in three huge garbage bags by the back door waiting to go to Goodwill. And in three smaller carrier bags waiting to be evaluated for consignment. ROI? A truckload of regret.
So now I enjoy a slower pace and grocery store shopping. I rode my bike to the grocery store this morning - because I have the extra time - I don't have to drive anywhere anymore. I noticed a nice side effect of the bike riding is that whatever I buy I have to carry, so no superfluous items ever make it into the basket. This saves money and calories!
I hope you find your moments of anticipation to savor today - and hope you can find ways to simplify your life and time to realize your dreams.
Michelle
At the same time, I feel comfortable and happy in this ongoing purgatory of uncertainty, opportunity, and "TBD" status. It feels like something really amazing is just around the corner. I just have to be on the look out for it and ready to pounce. It's like being next - which is really better than it being your turn. Anticipation is one of life's most enjoyable creations. I currently am Mayor of Anticipation Station.
There have been lots and lots of job postings in my "day job" field, and I have been compelled to throw my hat into the ring for some of the more appealing and fruitful opportunities. However, I think there must be something in the universe that is deciding a few things for me...and so up to now, the old life has not moved back in.
This whole experience has actually changed a lot of things about me. I am a better person in some ways. I'm definitely a much better wife. I'm able to do things for him that I never did before. And I'm also able to support him in a new way, that I hope makes him feel important and valued. Weirdly, I don't know if I'm as good of a friend anymore. I just feel really focused on my own projects right now. I see my old life as not just being a slave to the job, but also to all of the social commitments I ended up getting myself into and then resented later. I'm learning to say no more often, and letting go of some of that guilt.
I'm also a completely different consumer. I was an avid shopper to say the least, and the fall has always been my absolute favorite clothes season, ever since my mom took me to Belks for new penny loafers. Although I still look through some of the catalogs I get, I don't feel as compelled to buy the latest trends. Plus, I spend most of my time at home writing, or at rehearsals, neither of which require anything more than jeans and a shirt. I also am getting comfortable with not being as generous as I have been in the past. I would spend thousands and thousands of dollars on lavish gifts for my family and friends every year, and I'm not really sure why. I fear it's that I felt I needed to do this to retain their love or friendship. Now that this type of giving is no longer possible, I feel liberated. Now I don't have to try to one up myself. I'm especially looking forward to the holidays and reverting back to a more "normal" level of generosity. It will be rewarding to make or buy items that I can put more thought into, instead of just paying more. I also wonder if people thought I was a little too generous, like maybe I made them feel uncomfortable, and maybe they thought I was a little pathetic. I always felt like, if you have it, spend it, I'll make more - and you could get hit by a truck. Now that I have very little and live on a very, very tight budget (about $20 a week for "spending money"), I have found that I'm actually happier. I feel smarter. I feel healthier. And I resent my debt so much more. If I didn't have that - I would really never be worried! I have nothing to show for those three payments I have to make every month. I didn't use them to pay my college tuition or to pay for life-saving surgery. I didn't use them to fund a film or a play. I just bought crap. Crap that is currently sitting in three huge garbage bags by the back door waiting to go to Goodwill. And in three smaller carrier bags waiting to be evaluated for consignment. ROI? A truckload of regret.
So now I enjoy a slower pace and grocery store shopping. I rode my bike to the grocery store this morning - because I have the extra time - I don't have to drive anywhere anymore. I noticed a nice side effect of the bike riding is that whatever I buy I have to carry, so no superfluous items ever make it into the basket. This saves money and calories!
I hope you find your moments of anticipation to savor today - and hope you can find ways to simplify your life and time to realize your dreams.
Michelle
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