In honor of spring cleaning and the many tweets and Facebook statuses I've seen recently related to "cleaning out" our homes, here is my list of stupid crap (shit) you don't need:
1) iPad. Sorry Apple. Aside from the plethora of feminine hygiene jokes that come to mind, it also reminds me of a Flintstones tablet. Only that was more animated because of the live bird you would use to "write" on it. (#flashfail)
2) While we're on the subject of feminine products - who's the genius that invented pads for thongs? Who on earth combines either of these two ideas? Sexy underwear + menstruation is like mixing tequila and doing your taxes, not a good idea.
3) A fax machine. If you need to send a document to someone, scan it and email it. Faxing is stupid. This homemade video , (remake of famous Office Space scene) is awesome.
4) Briefcases that have wheels. Maybe you should look for another job that doesn't make you work so hard. Or possibly consider growing a set and carrying your bag like a grown up? Stop running over my feet with it on your suburban sprint to the Metra. (#alsolame)
5) Collections of pretty much any kind, except for priceless works of art, diamonds and/or photos, records.
6) Any camera, (moving or still) that is not digital. Soon you'll find yourself without a way to find film or developing services.
7) Press on nails for toes. Or for any nails for that matter. Just saw these at Walgreens. Weird and gross.
8) Anything for a pet that doesn't provide for it's three basic needs: eating, sleeping and not getting worms. I'm not saying pets shouldn't have toys or a comfortable place to sleep, but some dogs live better than people. This is 4+8+10.
8) Cell phones that aren't "smart".
9) Another season of American Idol (#simonistheshow)
10) Anything from Skymall.
What's the pocket for?