Pete Townsend's tinnitus.
Jay Leno's return to late night.
Pam Anderson on DWTS.
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel....like running away on an endless road trip with a carton of cigarettes, a case of Diet Mountain Dew and the Time Life Singers and Songwriters Collection.
I am nostalgic for simpler times, when we weren't all a bunch of pandered to pansies.
Like before there was a drug for absolutely every possible human function or disfunction - with a list of side effects far worse than "bloating, gassiness".
When a kid could bring some innocent (and delicious) peanut butter cookies with the fork grooves into his 3rd grade class for his birthday.
When earthquakes seemed far away, and therefore insignificant. Harder to ignore when they actually shift the earth's axis and shorten our days. Harder still when images of shattered lives invade every media orifice in our paths. Donate here for Haiti, here for Chile.
Tsunamis are no longer a surfers' paradise, they swallow entire towns and villages (or make for an interesting news day).
1 in 110 kids (1 in 70 for boys) is now considered autistic (whatever happened to "silly", "chatterbox", "shy", just plain "weird"? Are ALL of these diagnoses correct? If they are, then what the %$#@ is in the water? Is Jenny McCarthy right? Is it immunizations? Or just generations of incompetent teachers and counselors unable to identify autism?) Please throw $ and actual research at this problem, not just opinions.
Flu is no longer a week of feeling like crap, it's a Pandemic.
Wars in every corner of the world are either in progress, in recovery, in rehab, in denial.
Captive animals - possibly in response to earthquake vibrations they most likely sensed, even in the distance from Florida to Chile - killing the very people who dedicated their lives to them. Worse? Cokie Roberts on Meet the Press equating the attack, likely provoked by the happy bounce of the trainer's ponytail, to the rape of a woman "who was asking for it because she wore a short skirt." For the record, I don't think the "Killer" Whale deserves that comparison. Cokie, please don't paint this animal a villain when it is being forced to live in a completely unnatural habitat and made to dance for its dinner. Homework: Watch The Accused. Then Free Willy. Repeat.
So 2012 is the big year boys and girls, and evidence is piling up that there may in fact be some truth to an end of days.
So do we choose to continue to be fat, over-medicated, over-worked, over-wrought, over-communicative, hyper-sensitive, omni-allergic, dumbasses for the remainder of our days? Or can we toughen up a bit. Armegeddon certainly won't be easy on most of us...should we try to do things like we use to? A little less whining and a whole lot of sucking it up?
My mom use to say, if you're that sick, could you please die outside? One certain truth is that there will be an end of days for each of us.
Maybe that is where I'll be when the Earth tips off the mark. Outside, in my car, sun on my face, wind whipping through my hair, cruising down the PCH, smoking*, chugging the Diet** Dew and singing my head off to AM Gold. That's kinda tough.
*Mom - if it's the end of the world, I might smoke. **Still more afraid of gaining back that 30 lbs than dying.